my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
