did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
