You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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