Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
