I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
