she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
