Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
