It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
