He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
