i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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