I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize