I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
