I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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