Please don't use social media to get back at me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
