Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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