My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
