My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
