I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
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Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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