The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
