His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
