I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
