I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
