I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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