dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
