I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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