dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
