Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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