just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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