i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
