ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
