When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
