my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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