didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She is in my trunk
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
