The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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