I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
