Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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