pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I deserve this hangover.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
