I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
