Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
