i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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