Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
