alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
