Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
