You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
