fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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