The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
