and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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