if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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