Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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