Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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