Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
