end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
