I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
