But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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