How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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