so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
