You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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