He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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