Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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