my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
