I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
