I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
