I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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