I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
