he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
