Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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