yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
