Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
