Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.