Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So much rum. So many feels.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.