If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.