I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He went soft
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling