Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
