So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke