So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize