You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
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Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?