Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.