Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.