The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize