I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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